HOSTILITY or HOSTILE BEHAVIOR is attacking behavior in any form not mentioned in previous blogs.
Hostility or hostile behavior can occur in intimate relationships, in family relationships, in workplace relationships... frankly, even in non-personal situations where no relationship exists, other than on a very superficial level. An example of the latter may be one person disrespecting another, or even getting into a traffic accident with someone who is driving a new car.
Hostility can exist between people who have had previous arguments or altercations. Hostility can exist between people when one feels he or she has been treated unfairly. Hostility can exist in the workplace, in the home, between friends or intimate partners, or between family members. And this hostility can carry on for years. Perhaps you know of individuals who have not spoken to friends or relatives, or others, because they had an argument with them before, sometimes years before. When asked what the argument was about years before, they cannot even remember.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR # 7 - RAGING BEHAVIOR
RAGE is of course anger that is intense and out of control.
This occurs when the attacker is so frustrated and, not knowing how to react to an attack in an appropriate manner, he or she fumes, turns red, yells, or screams, throws things, becomes physically abusive or otherwise aggressive and violent.
When someone is raging against us, the effect upon us is that of an attack. If we respond with equal aggression and rage the episode may well be cause for calling the police who may very well arrest the raging person and charge them with domestic violence or assault or worse, can which result in court proceedings, legal fees, fines, and court mandates for classes in anger management, domestic violence or other forms of behavior control or even jail time.
Rage is a serious hurtful negative behavior because in severe cases it may lead to actual bodily harm to the person who is attacked.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
This occurs when the attacker is so frustrated and, not knowing how to react to an attack in an appropriate manner, he or she fumes, turns red, yells, or screams, throws things, becomes physically abusive or otherwise aggressive and violent.
When someone is raging against us, the effect upon us is that of an attack. If we respond with equal aggression and rage the episode may well be cause for calling the police who may very well arrest the raging person and charge them with domestic violence or assault or worse, can which result in court proceedings, legal fees, fines, and court mandates for classes in anger management, domestic violence or other forms of behavior control or even jail time.
Rage is a serious hurtful negative behavior because in severe cases it may lead to actual bodily harm to the person who is attacked.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR #6 - INTERRUPTING
INTERRUPTING is breaking into a conversation when someone else is speaking, or inserting yourself in another's conversation; the interrupting behavior can also occur when someone is trying to influence another person who is busy not only with a conversation but also with a project or event which they are not part and parcel to. Interrupting is actually taking away another person's right to speak or spend their own time.
This interrupting behavior is aggressive and hurtful to the targeted individual. How do you feel when someone interrupts your conversation or personal time? In most cases you may feel attacked and as in other hurtful negative behaviors you may attack back with aggression and the angry reaction.
You might say that everyone interrupts when you're speaking. But interruption is rude and in many cases unacceptable behavior. Is there ever a good time for interrupting someone? Yes, when an emergency or some danger exists which may actually be a rare occurrence.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
This interrupting behavior is aggressive and hurtful to the targeted individual. How do you feel when someone interrupts your conversation or personal time? In most cases you may feel attacked and as in other hurtful negative behaviors you may attack back with aggression and the angry reaction.
You might say that everyone interrupts when you're speaking. But interruption is rude and in many cases unacceptable behavior. Is there ever a good time for interrupting someone? Yes, when an emergency or some danger exists which may actually be a rare occurrence.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS #5 - MANIPULATION
MANIPULATING BEHAVIOR is yet another Hurtful Negative Behavior. This is very similar to Controlling Behavior discussed in an earlier blog. I like to consider manipulation as UNDERHANDED CONTROL but control is very direct and to the point, whereas manipulation is rather indirect. Like control it's an attempt to gain one's own advantage using shrewd or devious influence and it's just as hurtful.
CONTROL might sound like, "Don't do that!", but MANIPULATION might sound like, "Don't you think it would be better not to do that?"
When someone tries to manipulate you they are actually trying to get the upper hand over you. This behavior is common, for example, by a salesperson who is trying to get you to make a purchase like, say, an automobile. They want the advantage over you.
In a relationship between intimate partners, whether heterosexual or gay, one person is trying in an indirect way to control the other. No matter your sexual orientation, manipulation is still hurtful to the targeted individual and aggressive in nature and like
other negative behaviors can be perceived as an attack which will elicit an attack back or the angry reaction.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
CONTROL might sound like, "Don't do that!", but MANIPULATION might sound like, "Don't you think it would be better not to do that?"
When someone tries to manipulate you they are actually trying to get the upper hand over you. This behavior is common, for example, by a salesperson who is trying to get you to make a purchase like, say, an automobile. They want the advantage over you.
In a relationship between intimate partners, whether heterosexual or gay, one person is trying in an indirect way to control the other. No matter your sexual orientation, manipulation is still hurtful to the targeted individual and aggressive in nature and like
other negative behaviors can be perceived as an attack which will elicit an attack back or the angry reaction.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS #4 - INTIMIDATION
Another hurtful negative behavior is INTIMIDATING BEHAVIOR.
INTIMIDATION is another form of attacking behavior or aggression usually using fear. It involves making the other person feel small, or useless. Again, just ask yourself how you feel if someone tries to intimidate you. Most of the time you feel hurt and less of a person than the one who has attacked you.
Intimidation is a form of behavior with the other person where we try to get the upper hand over the other individual. This makes us feel more in control and bigger, in our own eyes, than the other individual. Why is this necessary for us? Many people have low self-esteem or a feeling of low self worth. How better to increase our own self-esteem, even temporarily, than to make someone else feel useless, less knowledgeable, beneath us or smaller than us. Also, if we are highly educated, we may try to use that against the other person to again make us feel even larger in stature.
When intimidated, we may strike back with anger at the individual who attacked us or we may just avoid the confrontation by holding it in. By not solving the problem immediately, we set ourselves up for a more volatile reaction in the future. Also many people who do not respond immediately to the person who intimidates us have low assertive skills which need to be developed, strengthened or enhanced.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
INTIMIDATION is another form of attacking behavior or aggression usually using fear. It involves making the other person feel small, or useless. Again, just ask yourself how you feel if someone tries to intimidate you. Most of the time you feel hurt and less of a person than the one who has attacked you.
Intimidation is a form of behavior with the other person where we try to get the upper hand over the other individual. This makes us feel more in control and bigger, in our own eyes, than the other individual. Why is this necessary for us? Many people have low self-esteem or a feeling of low self worth. How better to increase our own self-esteem, even temporarily, than to make someone else feel useless, less knowledgeable, beneath us or smaller than us. Also, if we are highly educated, we may try to use that against the other person to again make us feel even larger in stature.
When intimidated, we may strike back with anger at the individual who attacked us or we may just avoid the confrontation by holding it in. By not solving the problem immediately, we set ourselves up for a more volatile reaction in the future. Also many people who do not respond immediately to the person who intimidates us have low assertive skills which need to be developed, strengthened or enhanced.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS #3 - INATTENTION
The next hurtful behavior I will discuss is INATTENTION.
INATTENTION is just not paying attention to another person. It is hurtful behavior if it's directed at a loved one, such as a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend or other person close to us. Just ask yourself how you feel when someone does not pay attention to you. It hurts doesn't it? And when you do that to someone else it hurts them. It's an attack!
In order to avoid anger between ourselves and others we must stop attacking them and we need to learn how to respond in an appropriate fashion to those attacks they perpetrate upon us. We must learn about our own feelings and the feelings of others and how to manage our own personal behavior and how to manage our relationships in a better way.
You may ask, if they love us, why are they attacking us? The answer is that people learn attacking behavior or aggressiveness at an early age. For most of us, aggressive behavior is the way get what we want in life. It becomes a normal behavior for us when we have little understanding of our own feelings and the feelings of others. It may be that the other person, the one attacking us, just doesn't know any better. And that has nothing to do with formal education.
Physicians, attorneys, scientists, teachers, business executives, high school graduates, college graduates, PhD's...actually everyone has the potential to become angry when they sense they're being attacked. The angry reaction is an aggressive attack back at the attacker.
If you want to control your anger, you must control your aggression and learn new ways to behave toward your loved ones and those close to you.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
INATTENTION is just not paying attention to another person. It is hurtful behavior if it's directed at a loved one, such as a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend or other person close to us. Just ask yourself how you feel when someone does not pay attention to you. It hurts doesn't it? And when you do that to someone else it hurts them. It's an attack!
In order to avoid anger between ourselves and others we must stop attacking them and we need to learn how to respond in an appropriate fashion to those attacks they perpetrate upon us. We must learn about our own feelings and the feelings of others and how to manage our own personal behavior and how to manage our relationships in a better way.
You may ask, if they love us, why are they attacking us? The answer is that people learn attacking behavior or aggressiveness at an early age. For most of us, aggressive behavior is the way get what we want in life. It becomes a normal behavior for us when we have little understanding of our own feelings and the feelings of others. It may be that the other person, the one attacking us, just doesn't know any better. And that has nothing to do with formal education.
Physicians, attorneys, scientists, teachers, business executives, high school graduates, college graduates, PhD's...actually everyone has the potential to become angry when they sense they're being attacked. The angry reaction is an aggressive attack back at the attacker.
If you want to control your anger, you must control your aggression and learn new ways to behave toward your loved ones and those close to you.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR #2 - AVOIDANCE
Today, I would like to talk about another negative hurtful behavior, AVOIDANCE.
AVOIDANCE means, as it implies, deliberately avoiding another individual who has attacked us, or preventing the resolution of a problem.
Avoidance is turning your back toward someone who has hurt you or sweeping the problem under the rug. The problem does not go away when we avoid solving it. To the contrary, the problem remains within us and festers, building pressure like the pressure on lava in a volcano. When this occurs it primes us for the next time we are attacked and then we can explode in uncontrolled anger and rage, becoming physical or violent toward the individual who we sense has attacked us. This physical or violent reaction can be as simple as throwing something at the attacker, punching a hole in the wall, kicking in a door, or physically attacking back at the one who has attacked us. This physical behavior can lead to an arrest for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, a court case, legal bills and/or fines or other court mandates.
People with low self-esteem or undeveloped assertive skills tend to hold things in. HOLDING THINGS IN IS NOT THE ANSWER! Rather, communicating your feelings and needs to the other person is the answer, in other words becoming more assertive.
Many people think that ASSERTIVENESS is akin to AGGRESSIVENESS. This is not true. Assertiveness is not attacking another person as is aggressiveness. I will direct my attention to assertiveness in a future blog on POSITIVE GOOD BEHAVIORS.
Try not to avoid issues. Solve them! Don't turn your back on someone. Solve the problem! Don't go to sleep mad at your mate. Communicate to resolve your problems!
We all face attacks from others every day of our lives. And everyday we will attack others and they will attack back at us. How we respond to those attacks will determine whether we have issues requiring an ANGER MANAGEMENT program.
In our ANGER MANAGEMENT program I teach about the attacks that come at us and those that we use against others.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
AVOIDANCE means, as it implies, deliberately avoiding another individual who has attacked us, or preventing the resolution of a problem.
Avoidance is turning your back toward someone who has hurt you or sweeping the problem under the rug. The problem does not go away when we avoid solving it. To the contrary, the problem remains within us and festers, building pressure like the pressure on lava in a volcano. When this occurs it primes us for the next time we are attacked and then we can explode in uncontrolled anger and rage, becoming physical or violent toward the individual who we sense has attacked us. This physical or violent reaction can be as simple as throwing something at the attacker, punching a hole in the wall, kicking in a door, or physically attacking back at the one who has attacked us. This physical behavior can lead to an arrest for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, a court case, legal bills and/or fines or other court mandates.
People with low self-esteem or undeveloped assertive skills tend to hold things in. HOLDING THINGS IN IS NOT THE ANSWER! Rather, communicating your feelings and needs to the other person is the answer, in other words becoming more assertive.
Many people think that ASSERTIVENESS is akin to AGGRESSIVENESS. This is not true. Assertiveness is not attacking another person as is aggressiveness. I will direct my attention to assertiveness in a future blog on POSITIVE GOOD BEHAVIORS.
Try not to avoid issues. Solve them! Don't turn your back on someone. Solve the problem! Don't go to sleep mad at your mate. Communicate to resolve your problems!
We all face attacks from others every day of our lives. And everyday we will attack others and they will attack back at us. How we respond to those attacks will determine whether we have issues requiring an ANGER MANAGEMENT program.
In our ANGER MANAGEMENT program I teach about the attacks that come at us and those that we use against others.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Monday, July 29, 2013
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR #1 - CONTROL
The first Hurtful Negative Behavior I want to talk about is CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR.
So, what is Controlling Behavior?
It's making the other person do what you want rather than allowing them to do what they want. It's taking away a person's right to make their own decisions. Simply put, it's a POWER PLAY against someone else. It's aggressive and hurtful to the individual who is the object of the controlling behavior. Likewise, if that behavior is addressed towards us, it's just as hurtful.
Where does this behavior arise? It's a behavior pattern that is learned in early childhood and carried forth into adolescence and adulthood. We learn early on that by being controlling we can get what we want or need.
Aggressiveness is an attack upon us! Most people will respond to the attack by attacking back or running away. This is the well-known FIGHT OR FLIGHT response.
But aggression is not the only way to get what we want or need.
Learning EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, STRESS MANAGEMENT techniques and improving our COMMUNICATION skills are all appropriate ways to reduce aggression. Instead of fighting back or running away, we need to understand how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about our self worth or self esteem. Additionally we need to understand the feelings of others.
All of this should be learned in an Anger Management program. I will continue to write about the other hurtful behaviors in future blogs and then I will switch to the good positive behaviors.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
So, what is Controlling Behavior?
It's making the other person do what you want rather than allowing them to do what they want. It's taking away a person's right to make their own decisions. Simply put, it's a POWER PLAY against someone else. It's aggressive and hurtful to the individual who is the object of the controlling behavior. Likewise, if that behavior is addressed towards us, it's just as hurtful.
Where does this behavior arise? It's a behavior pattern that is learned in early childhood and carried forth into adolescence and adulthood. We learn early on that by being controlling we can get what we want or need.
Aggressiveness is an attack upon us! Most people will respond to the attack by attacking back or running away. This is the well-known FIGHT OR FLIGHT response.
But aggression is not the only way to get what we want or need.
Learning EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, STRESS MANAGEMENT techniques and improving our COMMUNICATION skills are all appropriate ways to reduce aggression. Instead of fighting back or running away, we need to understand how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about our self worth or self esteem. Additionally we need to understand the feelings of others.
All of this should be learned in an Anger Management program. I will continue to write about the other hurtful behaviors in future blogs and then I will switch to the good positive behaviors.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Saturday, July 6, 2013
ANGER MANAGEMENT IS NOT THERAPY
Most people have anger issues. Does that create a need for therapy? My opinion is that it does not!
Just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy for which therapy might prove useful.
The ANGRY REACTION is an aggressive form of behavior that is the expression of the emotion we call ANGER. This reaction follows the well known “FIGHT or FLIGHT” mechanism inherent in the behavior of ALL animals. We, as humans, are animals and not different in our behaviors from dogs, cats or even lions and zebras except that we have larger brains with the capacity to think and reason.
So what’s the problem?
When we are children, we learn the ANGRY REACTION from our parents, siblings or from movies, TV or even video games. Usually, by the age of two to three this behavior is set within us. This reaction forms a memory, is stored in our brain, and is the automatic response we exhibit WHEN WE PERCEIVE OR SENSE WE ARE BEING ATTACKED. Our brain functions much like a juke-box in this regard. When our so called buttons are pushed, the immediate response is that automatic Angry Reaction. Many times it’s hurtful behavior and it's always aggressive toward the attacker.
So, what’s the solution?
The solution is to learn the techniques to gain control of ourselves, to reduce our aggressive behaviors, to manage our stresses more efficiently, to begin to understand our own emotions as well as the emotions of others and to improve our communication skills.
Unfortunately, these things are not taught in our schools. Actually, our aggressiveness is enhanced via sports activities, later on by military training, by the movies we watch, by the news we read about and very often by the very jobs we hold and the education we receive for those positions.
So, the solution is to change one’s behavior by learning the skills you never learned before and reducing one’s aggressiveness. This is accomplished easily in an ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAM and not in therapy.
To repeat, just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy! It just means that you have never learned to express your anger in an appropriate way through assertive communication.
We all have experienced that Angry Reaction especially with people we love and with whom we are very close to. We would all do well to remain civil in our interpersonal relationships and learn to treat others with respect and love.
Remember, Life should be a Celebration and not an Endurance Contest.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 – 353 – 1750
dr.sinert@nevaaangermanagement.com
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
Just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy for which therapy might prove useful.
The ANGRY REACTION is an aggressive form of behavior that is the expression of the emotion we call ANGER. This reaction follows the well known “FIGHT or FLIGHT” mechanism inherent in the behavior of ALL animals. We, as humans, are animals and not different in our behaviors from dogs, cats or even lions and zebras except that we have larger brains with the capacity to think and reason.
So what’s the problem?
When we are children, we learn the ANGRY REACTION from our parents, siblings or from movies, TV or even video games. Usually, by the age of two to three this behavior is set within us. This reaction forms a memory, is stored in our brain, and is the automatic response we exhibit WHEN WE PERCEIVE OR SENSE WE ARE BEING ATTACKED. Our brain functions much like a juke-box in this regard. When our so called buttons are pushed, the immediate response is that automatic Angry Reaction. Many times it’s hurtful behavior and it's always aggressive toward the attacker.
So, what’s the solution?
The solution is to learn the techniques to gain control of ourselves, to reduce our aggressive behaviors, to manage our stresses more efficiently, to begin to understand our own emotions as well as the emotions of others and to improve our communication skills.
Unfortunately, these things are not taught in our schools. Actually, our aggressiveness is enhanced via sports activities, later on by military training, by the movies we watch, by the news we read about and very often by the very jobs we hold and the education we receive for those positions.
So, the solution is to change one’s behavior by learning the skills you never learned before and reducing one’s aggressiveness. This is accomplished easily in an ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAM and not in therapy.
To repeat, just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy! It just means that you have never learned to express your anger in an appropriate way through assertive communication.
We all have experienced that Angry Reaction especially with people we love and with whom we are very close to. We would all do well to remain civil in our interpersonal relationships and learn to treat others with respect and love.
Remember, Life should be a Celebration and not an Endurance Contest.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 – 353 – 1750
dr.sinert@nevaaangermanagement.com
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)