The next hurtful behavior I will discuss is INATTENTION.
INATTENTION is just not paying attention to another person. It is hurtful behavior if it's directed at a loved one, such as a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend or other person close to us. Just ask yourself how you feel when someone does not pay attention to you. It hurts doesn't it? And when you do that to someone else it hurts them. It's an attack!
In order to avoid anger between ourselves and others we must stop attacking them and we need to learn how to respond in an appropriate fashion to those attacks they perpetrate upon us. We must learn about our own feelings and the feelings of others and how to manage our own personal behavior and how to manage our relationships in a better way.
You may ask, if they love us, why are they attacking us? The answer is that people learn attacking behavior or aggressiveness at an early age. For most of us, aggressive behavior is the way get what we want in life. It becomes a normal behavior for us when we have little understanding of our own feelings and the feelings of others. It may be that the other person, the one attacking us, just doesn't know any better. And that has nothing to do with formal education.
Physicians, attorneys, scientists, teachers, business executives, high school graduates, college graduates, PhD's...actually everyone has the potential to become angry when they sense they're being attacked. The angry reaction is an aggressive attack back at the attacker.
If you want to control your anger, you must control your aggression and learn new ways to behave toward your loved ones and those close to you.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR #2 - AVOIDANCE
Today, I would like to talk about another negative hurtful behavior, AVOIDANCE.
AVOIDANCE means, as it implies, deliberately avoiding another individual who has attacked us, or preventing the resolution of a problem.
Avoidance is turning your back toward someone who has hurt you or sweeping the problem under the rug. The problem does not go away when we avoid solving it. To the contrary, the problem remains within us and festers, building pressure like the pressure on lava in a volcano. When this occurs it primes us for the next time we are attacked and then we can explode in uncontrolled anger and rage, becoming physical or violent toward the individual who we sense has attacked us. This physical or violent reaction can be as simple as throwing something at the attacker, punching a hole in the wall, kicking in a door, or physically attacking back at the one who has attacked us. This physical behavior can lead to an arrest for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, a court case, legal bills and/or fines or other court mandates.
People with low self-esteem or undeveloped assertive skills tend to hold things in. HOLDING THINGS IN IS NOT THE ANSWER! Rather, communicating your feelings and needs to the other person is the answer, in other words becoming more assertive.
Many people think that ASSERTIVENESS is akin to AGGRESSIVENESS. This is not true. Assertiveness is not attacking another person as is aggressiveness. I will direct my attention to assertiveness in a future blog on POSITIVE GOOD BEHAVIORS.
Try not to avoid issues. Solve them! Don't turn your back on someone. Solve the problem! Don't go to sleep mad at your mate. Communicate to resolve your problems!
We all face attacks from others every day of our lives. And everyday we will attack others and they will attack back at us. How we respond to those attacks will determine whether we have issues requiring an ANGER MANAGEMENT program.
In our ANGER MANAGEMENT program I teach about the attacks that come at us and those that we use against others.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
AVOIDANCE means, as it implies, deliberately avoiding another individual who has attacked us, or preventing the resolution of a problem.
Avoidance is turning your back toward someone who has hurt you or sweeping the problem under the rug. The problem does not go away when we avoid solving it. To the contrary, the problem remains within us and festers, building pressure like the pressure on lava in a volcano. When this occurs it primes us for the next time we are attacked and then we can explode in uncontrolled anger and rage, becoming physical or violent toward the individual who we sense has attacked us. This physical or violent reaction can be as simple as throwing something at the attacker, punching a hole in the wall, kicking in a door, or physically attacking back at the one who has attacked us. This physical behavior can lead to an arrest for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, a court case, legal bills and/or fines or other court mandates.
People with low self-esteem or undeveloped assertive skills tend to hold things in. HOLDING THINGS IN IS NOT THE ANSWER! Rather, communicating your feelings and needs to the other person is the answer, in other words becoming more assertive.
Many people think that ASSERTIVENESS is akin to AGGRESSIVENESS. This is not true. Assertiveness is not attacking another person as is aggressiveness. I will direct my attention to assertiveness in a future blog on POSITIVE GOOD BEHAVIORS.
Try not to avoid issues. Solve them! Don't turn your back on someone. Solve the problem! Don't go to sleep mad at your mate. Communicate to resolve your problems!
We all face attacks from others every day of our lives. And everyday we will attack others and they will attack back at us. How we respond to those attacks will determine whether we have issues requiring an ANGER MANAGEMENT program.
In our ANGER MANAGEMENT program I teach about the attacks that come at us and those that we use against others.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Monday, July 29, 2013
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR #1 - CONTROL
The first Hurtful Negative Behavior I want to talk about is CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR.
So, what is Controlling Behavior?
It's making the other person do what you want rather than allowing them to do what they want. It's taking away a person's right to make their own decisions. Simply put, it's a POWER PLAY against someone else. It's aggressive and hurtful to the individual who is the object of the controlling behavior. Likewise, if that behavior is addressed towards us, it's just as hurtful.
Where does this behavior arise? It's a behavior pattern that is learned in early childhood and carried forth into adolescence and adulthood. We learn early on that by being controlling we can get what we want or need.
Aggressiveness is an attack upon us! Most people will respond to the attack by attacking back or running away. This is the well-known FIGHT OR FLIGHT response.
But aggression is not the only way to get what we want or need.
Learning EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, STRESS MANAGEMENT techniques and improving our COMMUNICATION skills are all appropriate ways to reduce aggression. Instead of fighting back or running away, we need to understand how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about our self worth or self esteem. Additionally we need to understand the feelings of others.
All of this should be learned in an Anger Management program. I will continue to write about the other hurtful behaviors in future blogs and then I will switch to the good positive behaviors.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
So, what is Controlling Behavior?
It's making the other person do what you want rather than allowing them to do what they want. It's taking away a person's right to make their own decisions. Simply put, it's a POWER PLAY against someone else. It's aggressive and hurtful to the individual who is the object of the controlling behavior. Likewise, if that behavior is addressed towards us, it's just as hurtful.
Where does this behavior arise? It's a behavior pattern that is learned in early childhood and carried forth into adolescence and adulthood. We learn early on that by being controlling we can get what we want or need.
Aggressiveness is an attack upon us! Most people will respond to the attack by attacking back or running away. This is the well-known FIGHT OR FLIGHT response.
But aggression is not the only way to get what we want or need.
Learning EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, STRESS MANAGEMENT techniques and improving our COMMUNICATION skills are all appropriate ways to reduce aggression. Instead of fighting back or running away, we need to understand how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about our self worth or self esteem. Additionally we need to understand the feelings of others.
All of this should be learned in an Anger Management program. I will continue to write about the other hurtful behaviors in future blogs and then I will switch to the good positive behaviors.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Saturday, July 6, 2013
ANGER MANAGEMENT IS NOT THERAPY
Most people have anger issues. Does that create a need for therapy? My opinion is that it does not!
Just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy for which therapy might prove useful.
The ANGRY REACTION is an aggressive form of behavior that is the expression of the emotion we call ANGER. This reaction follows the well known “FIGHT or FLIGHT” mechanism inherent in the behavior of ALL animals. We, as humans, are animals and not different in our behaviors from dogs, cats or even lions and zebras except that we have larger brains with the capacity to think and reason.
So what’s the problem?
When we are children, we learn the ANGRY REACTION from our parents, siblings or from movies, TV or even video games. Usually, by the age of two to three this behavior is set within us. This reaction forms a memory, is stored in our brain, and is the automatic response we exhibit WHEN WE PERCEIVE OR SENSE WE ARE BEING ATTACKED. Our brain functions much like a juke-box in this regard. When our so called buttons are pushed, the immediate response is that automatic Angry Reaction. Many times it’s hurtful behavior and it's always aggressive toward the attacker.
So, what’s the solution?
The solution is to learn the techniques to gain control of ourselves, to reduce our aggressive behaviors, to manage our stresses more efficiently, to begin to understand our own emotions as well as the emotions of others and to improve our communication skills.
Unfortunately, these things are not taught in our schools. Actually, our aggressiveness is enhanced via sports activities, later on by military training, by the movies we watch, by the news we read about and very often by the very jobs we hold and the education we receive for those positions.
So, the solution is to change one’s behavior by learning the skills you never learned before and reducing one’s aggressiveness. This is accomplished easily in an ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAM and not in therapy.
To repeat, just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy! It just means that you have never learned to express your anger in an appropriate way through assertive communication.
We all have experienced that Angry Reaction especially with people we love and with whom we are very close to. We would all do well to remain civil in our interpersonal relationships and learn to treat others with respect and love.
Remember, Life should be a Celebration and not an Endurance Contest.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 – 353 – 1750
dr.sinert@nevaaangermanagement.com
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
Just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy for which therapy might prove useful.
The ANGRY REACTION is an aggressive form of behavior that is the expression of the emotion we call ANGER. This reaction follows the well known “FIGHT or FLIGHT” mechanism inherent in the behavior of ALL animals. We, as humans, are animals and not different in our behaviors from dogs, cats or even lions and zebras except that we have larger brains with the capacity to think and reason.
So what’s the problem?
When we are children, we learn the ANGRY REACTION from our parents, siblings or from movies, TV or even video games. Usually, by the age of two to three this behavior is set within us. This reaction forms a memory, is stored in our brain, and is the automatic response we exhibit WHEN WE PERCEIVE OR SENSE WE ARE BEING ATTACKED. Our brain functions much like a juke-box in this regard. When our so called buttons are pushed, the immediate response is that automatic Angry Reaction. Many times it’s hurtful behavior and it's always aggressive toward the attacker.
So, what’s the solution?
The solution is to learn the techniques to gain control of ourselves, to reduce our aggressive behaviors, to manage our stresses more efficiently, to begin to understand our own emotions as well as the emotions of others and to improve our communication skills.
Unfortunately, these things are not taught in our schools. Actually, our aggressiveness is enhanced via sports activities, later on by military training, by the movies we watch, by the news we read about and very often by the very jobs we hold and the education we receive for those positions.
So, the solution is to change one’s behavior by learning the skills you never learned before and reducing one’s aggressiveness. This is accomplished easily in an ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAM and not in therapy.
To repeat, just because you experience the ANGRY REACTION does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy! It just means that you have never learned to express your anger in an appropriate way through assertive communication.
We all have experienced that Angry Reaction especially with people we love and with whom we are very close to. We would all do well to remain civil in our interpersonal relationships and learn to treat others with respect and love.
Remember, Life should be a Celebration and not an Endurance Contest.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 – 353 – 1750
dr.sinert@nevaaangermanagement.com
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
LIFE IS A CELEBRATION, NOT AN ENDURANCE CONTEST
Intimate relationships should be pleasant experiences where there is love, mutual respect, enjoying of each other’s company and sharing of ideas, thoughts and experiences. In essence, sharing our lives.
Yet in many relationships there is anger and aggressive behavior. From where does this behavior come?
Most anger and aggressive behavior stems from our childhood. Learning the ANGRY REACTION is nearly complete by the age of two to three. We learn this from our parents and siblings. Then we carry it forward as we grow and mature into adulthood.
The aggressive behaviors of INATTENTION, INTIMIDATION, CONTROL, MANIPULATION, AVOIDANCE, INTERRUPTION, RAGE and HOSTILITY are all HURTFUL behaviors when perpetrated upon us or when we use them against others.
Either way the receiving party of these behaviors will usually respond either with AGGRESSION or with PASSIVE BEHAVIOR. If it’s aggression, it’s called ANGER. If it’s passive, it’s called AVOIDANCE.
Avoidance may also be a sign of low self-esteem and poor assertive skills.
In any event, our response to the hurtful, aggressive behavior we sense is also hurtful and aggressive behavior back at the attacking party. So at first we are victims of aggression, then we become perpetrators of aggression towards someone whom we may in fact share an intimate relationship. This back and forth behavior is your basic argument.
And this brings me back to the BLOG title above. LIFE is not an endurance contest. Sure we can fight back at our attackers using more attacks against them, by raising our voices and yelling, by even getting physical or even violent. NONE of this behavior nurtures our relationships and improves them. To the contrary, the relationships are harmed, some beyond repair. (Just look at the divorce rates!)
So how can this hurtful behavior we experience be resolved?
Our ANGER MANAGEMENT program will teach you new ways of behaving, how to respond to the attacks of others, how to stop being aggressive toward your loved ones, how to be more assertive, how to express your anger in a good and appropriate way, how to boost your self-esteem, how to improve your management of stress, how to understand your emotions and the emotions of others and how to improve your communication skills. Our program is NOT therapy but rather sskill enhancement.
Make your life a CELEBRATION not an ENDURANCE contest.
We offer anger management in group or private sessions and also privately for couples or others in sensitive occupations.
For more information, please call
Dr. Steven J. Sinert
Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
Yet in many relationships there is anger and aggressive behavior. From where does this behavior come?
Most anger and aggressive behavior stems from our childhood. Learning the ANGRY REACTION is nearly complete by the age of two to three. We learn this from our parents and siblings. Then we carry it forward as we grow and mature into adulthood.
The aggressive behaviors of INATTENTION, INTIMIDATION, CONTROL, MANIPULATION, AVOIDANCE, INTERRUPTION, RAGE and HOSTILITY are all HURTFUL behaviors when perpetrated upon us or when we use them against others.
Either way the receiving party of these behaviors will usually respond either with AGGRESSION or with PASSIVE BEHAVIOR. If it’s aggression, it’s called ANGER. If it’s passive, it’s called AVOIDANCE.
Avoidance may also be a sign of low self-esteem and poor assertive skills.
In any event, our response to the hurtful, aggressive behavior we sense is also hurtful and aggressive behavior back at the attacking party. So at first we are victims of aggression, then we become perpetrators of aggression towards someone whom we may in fact share an intimate relationship. This back and forth behavior is your basic argument.
And this brings me back to the BLOG title above. LIFE is not an endurance contest. Sure we can fight back at our attackers using more attacks against them, by raising our voices and yelling, by even getting physical or even violent. NONE of this behavior nurtures our relationships and improves them. To the contrary, the relationships are harmed, some beyond repair. (Just look at the divorce rates!)
So how can this hurtful behavior we experience be resolved?
Our ANGER MANAGEMENT program will teach you new ways of behaving, how to respond to the attacks of others, how to stop being aggressive toward your loved ones, how to be more assertive, how to express your anger in a good and appropriate way, how to boost your self-esteem, how to improve your management of stress, how to understand your emotions and the emotions of others and how to improve your communication skills. Our program is NOT therapy but rather sskill enhancement.
Make your life a CELEBRATION not an ENDURANCE contest.
We offer anger management in group or private sessions and also privately for couples or others in sensitive occupations.
For more information, please call
Dr. Steven J. Sinert
Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
Monday, June 10, 2013
What is Anger Management?
Anger Management is not only a movie and a television show, but also, and more importantly, learning a better way to behave. It requires effort and some study but is not difficult.
It involves Gaining Control of oneself, Stress Management training, enhancing Emotional Intelligence and improving Communications skills with the people we love and are closest to. These are the ones we get angry with most often.
The behaviors we show to these loved ones are usually hurtful. If we love our wives and husbands, our children, our parents and siblings, why do we continue to hurt them?
The answer is that we just don't know any better way to behave. This program is well recognized will certainly change your life.
My Anger Management program teaches you how to behave in a better way without aggression or anger, how to manage your stresses better, how to improve your emotional intelligence and how to improve your communication skills, all of which will improve your life.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road – Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
email: dr.sinert@nevadaangermanagement.com
It involves Gaining Control of oneself, Stress Management training, enhancing Emotional Intelligence and improving Communications skills with the people we love and are closest to. These are the ones we get angry with most often.
The behaviors we show to these loved ones are usually hurtful. If we love our wives and husbands, our children, our parents and siblings, why do we continue to hurt them?
The answer is that we just don't know any better way to behave. This program is well recognized will certainly change your life.
My Anger Management program teaches you how to behave in a better way without aggression or anger, how to manage your stresses better, how to improve your emotional intelligence and how to improve your communication skills, all of which will improve your life.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road – Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
email: dr.sinert@nevadaangermanagement.com
Improving Communication Skills
Miscommunications or lack of good skills at communicating with others, especially those closest to us, is another major source of anger and the angry reaction.
We must learn to speak clearly and honestly so there are no miscommunications and therefore less of an opportunity to create that perception of an attack in others or in ourselves. Remember, that attack causes us to respond with the Angry Reaction.
In my program, the essence of our communications with others is to be assertive and not aggressive, letting others know how we feel and what we need that will make us feel better and how to make others feel good.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road – Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
Email: dr.sinert@nevadaangermanagement.com
We must learn to speak clearly and honestly so there are no miscommunications and therefore less of an opportunity to create that perception of an attack in others or in ourselves. Remember, that attack causes us to respond with the Angry Reaction.
In my program, the essence of our communications with others is to be assertive and not aggressive, letting others know how we feel and what we need that will make us feel better and how to make others feel good.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 S. Pecos Road – Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
Email: dr.sinert@nevadaangermanagement.com
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