Monday, October 21, 2013
Testimonial From a Parent
"Dear Dr. Sinert,
I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the changes your anger
management seminar did for our son. It made an instant impact but more
importantly has been long-lasting as well. We are very appreciative and know
that he has received the tools he needs to make wise choices when conflict
arises.
Gratefully,
R & D, Orange, CA"
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
5812 S. Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
Thursday, September 5, 2013
GOOD POSITIVE BEHAVIOR #1 - RECONNECTING
RECONNECTING This is a bit complex to understand but let me try and make it simple.
The human brain has several parts. Let’s call one part the THINKING BRAIN. This is where our thoughts reside.
The other part can be called the EMOTIONAL BRAIN or the LIMBIC SYSTEM. This is where our emotions reside.
Now, when we sense we are being attacked, whether verbally, physically, psychologically or emotionally, we undergo a series of physiologic responses which are all automatic. You do not think about these responses. Rather, they are guided by the by the Emotional Brain and are directed by an almond shaped area within the emotional brain called the AMYGDALA.
The amygdala is sort of a radar system constantly surveying our surroundings and searching for attacks against us. When an attack is identified, the amygdala swings into instant action sending messages to our adrenal glands near the kidneys to produce two stress hormones. Also the amygdala shuts down the thinking brain. This is called an AMYGDALA HIJACK.
The first stress hormone is called EPINEPHRINE or more commonly ADRENALIN and the second is called CORTISOL.
Instantaneously, the adrenalin causes our heart rate to increase, our pulse rate to increase, our blood pressure to increase, our breathing to become shallow and our muscles to become tense. We are suddenly transformed into an engine raring to go. But we need fuel to make this happen and that’s where the cortisol comes in.
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The cortisol causes the liver to secrete glucose or sugar into our blood which is the fuel needed to respond to the attack.
And the aggressive response to the attack is known as the FIGHT or FLIGHT MECHANISM.
We will either fight back (fight) at the attacker or run away (flight) from the attacker.
Fighting back is the ANGRY REACTION. This is the aggressive behavior learned early in childhood which we use to express ANGER the emotion.
This entire process can happen in nanoseconds and can be measured. It is ENTIRELY AUTOMATIC. It does not require us to think about this response to a perceived attack.
Anger the emotion is totally normal. Its purpose is to protect us and keep us alive. What is not normal, however, is totally losing control of ourselves through the angry reaction I spoke of earlier. Remember, that is a response learned in childhood.
So, now let’s get back to RECONNECTING. This is the process we must use to counter the amygdala hijack of the thinking brain. We must be able to start that thinking brain up again so our behavior will be more normal and we will not become angry, raging people.
Reconnecting begins when we realize that we are under attack and instantaneously take action to avoid the angry reaction. It has been said that the time from the attack until anger surfaces can be as long as six or seven seconds or as short as several nanoseconds.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR # 8 - HOSTILITY
HOSTILITY or HOSTILE BEHAVIOR is attacking behavior in any form not mentioned in previous blogs.
Hostility or hostile behavior can occur in intimate relationships, in family relationships, in workplace relationships... frankly, even in non-personal situations where no relationship exists, other than on a very superficial level. An example of the latter may be one person disrespecting another, or even getting into a traffic accident with someone who is driving a new car.
Hostility can exist between people who have had previous arguments or altercations. Hostility can exist between people when one feels he or she has been treated unfairly. Hostility can exist in the workplace, in the home, between friends or intimate partners, or between family members. And this hostility can carry on for years. Perhaps you know of individuals who have not spoken to friends or relatives, or others, because they had an argument with them before, sometimes years before. When asked what the argument was about years before, they cannot even remember.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
Hostility or hostile behavior can occur in intimate relationships, in family relationships, in workplace relationships... frankly, even in non-personal situations where no relationship exists, other than on a very superficial level. An example of the latter may be one person disrespecting another, or even getting into a traffic accident with someone who is driving a new car.
Hostility can exist between people who have had previous arguments or altercations. Hostility can exist between people when one feels he or she has been treated unfairly. Hostility can exist in the workplace, in the home, between friends or intimate partners, or between family members. And this hostility can carry on for years. Perhaps you know of individuals who have not spoken to friends or relatives, or others, because they had an argument with them before, sometimes years before. When asked what the argument was about years before, they cannot even remember.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR # 7 - RAGING BEHAVIOR
RAGE is of course anger that is intense and out of control.
This occurs when the attacker is so frustrated and, not knowing how to react to an attack in an appropriate manner, he or she fumes, turns red, yells, or screams, throws things, becomes physically abusive or otherwise aggressive and violent.
When someone is raging against us, the effect upon us is that of an attack. If we respond with equal aggression and rage the episode may well be cause for calling the police who may very well arrest the raging person and charge them with domestic violence or assault or worse, can which result in court proceedings, legal fees, fines, and court mandates for classes in anger management, domestic violence or other forms of behavior control or even jail time.
Rage is a serious hurtful negative behavior because in severe cases it may lead to actual bodily harm to the person who is attacked.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
This occurs when the attacker is so frustrated and, not knowing how to react to an attack in an appropriate manner, he or she fumes, turns red, yells, or screams, throws things, becomes physically abusive or otherwise aggressive and violent.
When someone is raging against us, the effect upon us is that of an attack. If we respond with equal aggression and rage the episode may well be cause for calling the police who may very well arrest the raging person and charge them with domestic violence or assault or worse, can which result in court proceedings, legal fees, fines, and court mandates for classes in anger management, domestic violence or other forms of behavior control or even jail time.
Rage is a serious hurtful negative behavior because in severe cases it may lead to actual bodily harm to the person who is attacked.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR #6 - INTERRUPTING
INTERRUPTING is breaking into a conversation when someone else is speaking, or inserting yourself in another's conversation; the interrupting behavior can also occur when someone is trying to influence another person who is busy not only with a conversation but also with a project or event which they are not part and parcel to. Interrupting is actually taking away another person's right to speak or spend their own time.
This interrupting behavior is aggressive and hurtful to the targeted individual. How do you feel when someone interrupts your conversation or personal time? In most cases you may feel attacked and as in other hurtful negative behaviors you may attack back with aggression and the angry reaction.
You might say that everyone interrupts when you're speaking. But interruption is rude and in many cases unacceptable behavior. Is there ever a good time for interrupting someone? Yes, when an emergency or some danger exists which may actually be a rare occurrence.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
This interrupting behavior is aggressive and hurtful to the targeted individual. How do you feel when someone interrupts your conversation or personal time? In most cases you may feel attacked and as in other hurtful negative behaviors you may attack back with aggression and the angry reaction.
You might say that everyone interrupts when you're speaking. But interruption is rude and in many cases unacceptable behavior. Is there ever a good time for interrupting someone? Yes, when an emergency or some danger exists which may actually be a rare occurrence.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS #5 - MANIPULATION
MANIPULATING BEHAVIOR is yet another Hurtful Negative Behavior. This is very similar to Controlling Behavior discussed in an earlier blog. I like to consider manipulation as UNDERHANDED CONTROL but control is very direct and to the point, whereas manipulation is rather indirect. Like control it's an attempt to gain one's own advantage using shrewd or devious influence and it's just as hurtful.
CONTROL might sound like, "Don't do that!", but MANIPULATION might sound like, "Don't you think it would be better not to do that?"
When someone tries to manipulate you they are actually trying to get the upper hand over you. This behavior is common, for example, by a salesperson who is trying to get you to make a purchase like, say, an automobile. They want the advantage over you.
In a relationship between intimate partners, whether heterosexual or gay, one person is trying in an indirect way to control the other. No matter your sexual orientation, manipulation is still hurtful to the targeted individual and aggressive in nature and like
other negative behaviors can be perceived as an attack which will elicit an attack back or the angry reaction.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
CONTROL might sound like, "Don't do that!", but MANIPULATION might sound like, "Don't you think it would be better not to do that?"
When someone tries to manipulate you they are actually trying to get the upper hand over you. This behavior is common, for example, by a salesperson who is trying to get you to make a purchase like, say, an automobile. They want the advantage over you.
In a relationship between intimate partners, whether heterosexual or gay, one person is trying in an indirect way to control the other. No matter your sexual orientation, manipulation is still hurtful to the targeted individual and aggressive in nature and like
other negative behaviors can be perceived as an attack which will elicit an attack back or the angry reaction.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
HURTFUL NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS #4 - INTIMIDATION
Another hurtful negative behavior is INTIMIDATING BEHAVIOR.
INTIMIDATION is another form of attacking behavior or aggression usually using fear. It involves making the other person feel small, or useless. Again, just ask yourself how you feel if someone tries to intimidate you. Most of the time you feel hurt and less of a person than the one who has attacked you.
Intimidation is a form of behavior with the other person where we try to get the upper hand over the other individual. This makes us feel more in control and bigger, in our own eyes, than the other individual. Why is this necessary for us? Many people have low self-esteem or a feeling of low self worth. How better to increase our own self-esteem, even temporarily, than to make someone else feel useless, less knowledgeable, beneath us or smaller than us. Also, if we are highly educated, we may try to use that against the other person to again make us feel even larger in stature.
When intimidated, we may strike back with anger at the individual who attacked us or we may just avoid the confrontation by holding it in. By not solving the problem immediately, we set ourselves up for a more volatile reaction in the future. Also many people who do not respond immediately to the person who intimidates us have low assertive skills which need to be developed, strengthened or enhanced.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
INTIMIDATION is another form of attacking behavior or aggression usually using fear. It involves making the other person feel small, or useless. Again, just ask yourself how you feel if someone tries to intimidate you. Most of the time you feel hurt and less of a person than the one who has attacked you.
Intimidation is a form of behavior with the other person where we try to get the upper hand over the other individual. This makes us feel more in control and bigger, in our own eyes, than the other individual. Why is this necessary for us? Many people have low self-esteem or a feeling of low self worth. How better to increase our own self-esteem, even temporarily, than to make someone else feel useless, less knowledgeable, beneath us or smaller than us. Also, if we are highly educated, we may try to use that against the other person to again make us feel even larger in stature.
When intimidated, we may strike back with anger at the individual who attacked us or we may just avoid the confrontation by holding it in. By not solving the problem immediately, we set ourselves up for a more volatile reaction in the future. Also many people who do not respond immediately to the person who intimidates us have low assertive skills which need to be developed, strengthened or enhanced.
For more information, please contact
Dr. Steven J. Sinert, Certified in Anger Management
Nevada Anger Management, LLC
5812 South Pecos Road, Suite B
Las Vegas, NV 89120
702 353 1750
www.nevadaangermanagement.com
(c) 2013 Dr. Steven J. Sinert and Nevada Anger Management, LLC
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